skintoskin: (sidelook)

bottomless black hole

what the fuck are you looking at, dickhead?

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Created on 2012-02-26 05:20:42 (#1521045), last updated 2013-11-29 (202 weeks ago)

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Name:Neil McCormick, the Bottomless Black Hole
[character name]: Neil McCormick
[series]: 'Mysterious Skin' (film)
[player eljay]: N/A
[messenger]: N/A
[e-mail]: addictedwriter [at] gmail [dot] com
[4th walling?]: Not at the moment, no, thanks.

"What happened that summer... it's a huge part of me."

~ Neil McCormick, Mysterious Skin

This is a journal for role-playing purposes. I do not own the character of Neil McCormick or Mysterious Skin, the 1996 novel by Scott Heim, or the 2004 film of the same name, directed by Gregg Araki. I am not associated in any way with Joseph Gordon-Levitt, the actor who embodied Neil in the film.

In no way does the existence of this journal or the contents therein support any type of abuse to any living being. This journal contains mature subject matter and reader discretion is advised. You have been warned.

Muse and Mun are over eighteen.

Neil McCormick was born in Hutchinson, Kansas, a small town with very conservative attitudes about gender status and behavior. He seems like a confident young man, perhaps seen as distant, cold or heartless, taking risks, making challenges of the citizens of the town in regards to his sexuality and his choice of 'career' as a hustler. He flaunts it and himself. His closest female friend, Wendy, describes him to his closest male friend, Eric, as having a 'bottomless black hole' for a soul, which can swallow you up if you look too deeply. She thinks she knows all his secrets, but she doesn't.

She doesn't know about the 'relationship' he had with the baseball coach in the summer of 1981, when he was eight. The man looked like Robert Redford and befriended the boy and his mother, insinuating himself into their lives in the role of 'buddy' and babysitter. It soon became sexual and Neil, who was seriously infatuated with the man, thought it was love and didn't resist. He was so in love that he helped his coach involve another boy on the team, Brian, in a sexual encounter one afternoon when the game got rained-out. Brian suppressed the memory to the point where he decided that lost afternoon was due to being abducted by aliens.

There was no father in Neil's life, possibly one of the reasons he latched onto his coach as much as he did, for love and approval as well as other things. His mother was a negligent alcoholic who would have sexual encounters with her boyfriends at the house. Neil would sometimes watch them. He grew up bullying the kids from school until his teens, when he directed his attentions more toward engaging older men in sexual acts for money. There was also the rush of pleasure for him and the ride of risk and the brief moments where he felt loved.

His mother seems oblivious to his abuse at the hands of the coach and to his current success rate to have 'fucked every single John in this park'. Neil even promotes his services in a public washroom, having written times and dates available on the wall along with the tag 'young + willing'. Neil loves his mother, but she has always been more of a friend than a parent.

He continued his hustling when he followed his friend, Wendy, to New York, and at least one of his encounters turned deadly. Neil was beaten, raped and sodomized by one of his Johns. Frankly, he was lucky he survived. He returned home and was able to help Brian, who had repressed the memory of that summer afternoon, discover what had really happened to both of them. Neil could have shied away from the task, but though some might think selfish, he's capable of compassion. He likes to be in control of the situation, and when he isn't, he tends to run and hide.

Neil is young and raging against the machine, swearing a lot and defying authority, as many do when they're trying to find their way in life. He's a bit lazy when it comes to dealing with important things, which is one of the reasons he seems to set himself up, time and again, for physical and emotional abuse. He ignores his inner voice and focuses on the physical moment, letting himself become lost in the sensations, desperate to feel real and alive and loved.

There is an addictive nature to his personality. He's addicted to sex and cigarettes and looking for that 'silver bullet' that will resolve all his problems. Like Eric and Wendy, he doesn't fit in to small town America, and though he wants out, he doesn't really know where to go. He is a good friend, even to Brian, who he doesn't really know very well at all. He doesn't turn his back on someone who is practically a stranger.

And finally, Neil is broken and has been trying to repair himself by morphing his childhood abuse into love and coloring his need for hustling tricks as an outlet for pleasure and a source of money. How he will deal with the recent revelation that he was sexually abused and not someone's lover is unknown.

"And as we sat there listening to the carolers, I wanted to tell Brian it was over now and everything would be okay. But that was a lie, plus, I couldn't speak anyway. I wish there was some way for us to go back and undo the past. But there wasn't. There was nothing we could do. So I just stayed silent and trying to telepathically communicate how sorry I was about what had happened. And I thought of all the grief and sadness and fucked up suffering in the world, and it made me want to escape. I wished with all my heart that we could just leave this world behind. Rise like two angels in the night and magically... disappear."

~ Neil McCormick, Mysterious Skin, closing words.

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